Twinkie heaven and hell

With the announcement of Hostess shutting down, it brings back bittersweet memories.  The good, I loved Twinkies growing up.  LOVED them.  So much, that it caused the bad memories.

My grandma would let us spend the night every so often.  Back when I was in Jr. High school, I got my turn.  One of the great things about staying at Grandma’s was the stop by the grocery store where you were allowed to pick up a snack for the evening.  Bet you can’t guess what I grabbed off the shelf?  A box of Twinkies.  Did I mention that I loved Twinkies?

We did our usual stuff that evening, hung out, ate popcorn and of course, my Twinkies.  I went to bed at a reasonable time because it was a school night.  Well, back when I was younger, I had a lot of trouble sleeping so even though I went to bed, I just laid there wide awake.  After a few hours of staring at the ceiling, I decided I was hungry.  So I snuck off to the kitchen and I mean snuck, because the floor at Grandma’s place was very creaky when it was completely silent in the house.  I got to the kitchen, and you know what I was after, but what I couldn’t decide was, if I was going to be able to open some Twinkies without getting caught.  The individual wrap was very crinkly and loud.  So I decided that I’ll just take the box to my room and close the door and then I can open them without getting caught.  So I grabbed the box and snuck back to my room.

What I usually did at home after everyone was asleep, was either read or played with my baseball cards, something of that nature because it was quiet and I could do it with minimal light.  I don’t remember what I did while I was eating my Twinkies, but what I do remember is looking down and there was only a few left.  Now my choice was, put the box back and get in trouble or eat the remaining couple, then put the box back and get in trouble.  It seems like an obvious choice, I’m getting in trouble anyways, might as well polish off them off and then get in trouble.  So I did.  And finally went to sleep.

Grandma came in the next morning to wake me up to get ready for school.  I couldn’t move, I was in the fetal position and my gut was killing me.  I complained, she told me she wasn’t falling for it (I had a little of an attendance problem at school) and left me to get ready.  I stayed in the fetal position for a a while before I was told I needed to get up, by my bowels.  I ran to the bathroom and my ass exploded.  And continued to for hours.  Needless to say, I didn’t go to school.  I barely was able to get off the toilet.

Apparently a whole box of Twinkies was my limit.  I don’t know how something that has a shelf life of infinity could do my stomach so wrong.  I still love Twinkies but I rarely eat them anymore.  Oddly enough, I bought a box the week my wife was out of town so I have had them fairly recently.  But you can be sure that I only had 1 package at a time.

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