I started to write deadbeat dads up there without even thinking about it. But that just isn't a fair assumption. Deadbeat moms isn't something you ever hear. I know plenty of kids who are in custody of their mothers and the father is a much better parent to the child. And I'm not talking about the person who just is a great parent because they actually spend time with the child. I'm talking about the parent who takes time to teach them right from wrong. Who takes time to show the kids they love them. Who takes the time to teach the kids to grow up properly. Who makes sure the kids are clean and well fed. Who gives them the best possible chance at excelling in everything they do.
Why the courts believe that the mother is always the best option is beyond me. My brother had a custody battle and he had video and visual proof that she doesn't care about the kids. He was sending them to a really good school, paying for all their clothes, being the great father that he is. She got up, lied her ass off about supporting the kids and won custody. Where the kids were afraid to go to school and had the right to be afraid. Why did she win? Well, she's the mother. There was not one negative thing proved against my brother, and she still won. The justice system is set up to favor the mother. You have to prove her "unfit". Why don't you have to prove the father "unfit"? If he has custody, shouldn't she have to prove him unfit to take them back? Nope, that's not how it works in todays courts.
Why am I against the system even though I have custody of my children? My divorce and custody was between my ex and I, the only thing we did in the courts was file paperwork. No lawyers, no judge, no court. Everything was agreed upon before hand. It was joint custody at the time as we were splitting the time equally. But I filed all the paperwork so the judge gave me physical custody with joint custody on visitation. My ex and I had verbally agreed that since I carried the insurance, that she would pay any copays on office visits and medicine and we would split any bigger bills. Once I moved a little further away and enrolled them in the school system I wanted them in, she fussed about it. But I had physical custody so there wasn't much she could do. She started to see them less as she moved further away. Now I had them every day during the week and she had them every other weekend. When she started dropping them off late on her Sundays, I asked her what the deal was. She complained she never got to see them anymore. So I agreed she could have them every weekend unless I needed them for something. I also told her if she gave me some notice, she could pick them up anytime during the week as well. That's the arrangement we have now although she never stops by during the week. After she moved away further, it became harder and harder for me to get money from her. She won't hold down a job long enough for her to even contemplate giving me any. I had to go get Medicaid because she stopped paying the medical all together. The doctors office said we couldn't use them anymore if the bill wasn't paid. So I went in and had them add everything that was mine and the kids and paid it all off so we could continue there. Then we have the van that got repossessed. She was driving it, it was in my name so I had to make the payments until I couldn't anymore. Now I'm stuck making weekly payments on a vehicle I no longer own. I could give you a whole list of things that she's done as far as no discipline, or no heigene, or no bedtime, or no rules whatsoever. But for now, let me leave it at, she's a deadbeat mom.
We are dealing with a few exes right now. The one father we won't even discuss because he has nothing to do with his kid since she was young and hasn't paid any support in forever as well. The other ex, thinks because he gives his son $100/month spending cash, that he shouldn't have to pay support. Sounds like a winner, right? But wait. He has other kids that he lives in the same area as him, that he hasn't ever seen. One son he just met last week after 19 years. Why the son wants anything to do with him now is beyond me. How you can call yourself a father when you don't see your kids is something I can't fathom. I just don't understand how you can turn your back on your child. I would be devastated if I didn't see my kids.
What started this long winded blog was that I finally have a court date set to receive support. It's not for a few months though and I'm just waiting for something to happen. I've always been afraid of her taking me to court for custody. Even though I know I am far better suited to take care of my kids, I worry about losing them because I don't trust the system. I am not a deadbeat. I can not lose my kids. I will be devastated. So I'm crossing my fingers and hoping against everything, that we will get through this without being torn apart.
Why the courts believe that the mother is always the best option is beyond me. My brother had a custody battle and he had video and visual proof that she doesn't care about the kids. He was sending them to a really good school, paying for all their clothes, being the great father that he is. She got up, lied her ass off about supporting the kids and won custody. Where the kids were afraid to go to school and had the right to be afraid. Why did she win? Well, she's the mother. There was not one negative thing proved against my brother, and she still won. The justice system is set up to favor the mother. You have to prove her "unfit". Why don't you have to prove the father "unfit"? If he has custody, shouldn't she have to prove him unfit to take them back? Nope, that's not how it works in todays courts.
Why am I against the system even though I have custody of my children? My divorce and custody was between my ex and I, the only thing we did in the courts was file paperwork. No lawyers, no judge, no court. Everything was agreed upon before hand. It was joint custody at the time as we were splitting the time equally. But I filed all the paperwork so the judge gave me physical custody with joint custody on visitation. My ex and I had verbally agreed that since I carried the insurance, that she would pay any copays on office visits and medicine and we would split any bigger bills. Once I moved a little further away and enrolled them in the school system I wanted them in, she fussed about it. But I had physical custody so there wasn't much she could do. She started to see them less as she moved further away. Now I had them every day during the week and she had them every other weekend. When she started dropping them off late on her Sundays, I asked her what the deal was. She complained she never got to see them anymore. So I agreed she could have them every weekend unless I needed them for something. I also told her if she gave me some notice, she could pick them up anytime during the week as well. That's the arrangement we have now although she never stops by during the week. After she moved away further, it became harder and harder for me to get money from her. She won't hold down a job long enough for her to even contemplate giving me any. I had to go get Medicaid because she stopped paying the medical all together. The doctors office said we couldn't use them anymore if the bill wasn't paid. So I went in and had them add everything that was mine and the kids and paid it all off so we could continue there. Then we have the van that got repossessed. She was driving it, it was in my name so I had to make the payments until I couldn't anymore. Now I'm stuck making weekly payments on a vehicle I no longer own. I could give you a whole list of things that she's done as far as no discipline, or no heigene, or no bedtime, or no rules whatsoever. But for now, let me leave it at, she's a deadbeat mom.
We are dealing with a few exes right now. The one father we won't even discuss because he has nothing to do with his kid since she was young and hasn't paid any support in forever as well. The other ex, thinks because he gives his son $100/month spending cash, that he shouldn't have to pay support. Sounds like a winner, right? But wait. He has other kids that he lives in the same area as him, that he hasn't ever seen. One son he just met last week after 19 years. Why the son wants anything to do with him now is beyond me. How you can call yourself a father when you don't see your kids is something I can't fathom. I just don't understand how you can turn your back on your child. I would be devastated if I didn't see my kids.
What started this long winded blog was that I finally have a court date set to receive support. It's not for a few months though and I'm just waiting for something to happen. I've always been afraid of her taking me to court for custody. Even though I know I am far better suited to take care of my kids, I worry about losing them because I don't trust the system. I am not a deadbeat. I can not lose my kids. I will be devastated. So I'm crossing my fingers and hoping against everything, that we will get through this without being torn apart.
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